Today may be the day I have to begin pestering democratic congressional representatives with such inquires as “Why haven’t you done more to end world poverty yet”, “the earth is getting warmer today when are you going to stop it,” and of course, “Why haven’t you brought more blacks into your party leadership yet.” I have no idea if the Democraps will win control of congress today, but I do know a few other things. I know if they do it will be the first day that they begin breaking every promise they made. I know they will begin to try to raise our taxes. I know they will begin to endanger this country. I do know that Bush will finally find his veto pen.
Democrats criticized Republicans as stewards of a stale status quo; you know the status quo like no attacks on America, thriving economies and low unemployment. Status quo ain’t necessarily bad. Billy Bob the rapist was running about trolling for dollars and pesos for his legacy. I sent him a brief note reminding him; his legacy has already been burned in the American consciousness as only the second worse president in US history and why couldn’t he even do that right. To be beat by Jimmy the peanut famer in anything takes some practice.
Billy Bob the rapist even had the nerve to yell about the house page scandal, however, I did ask him if it was because he never thought of fully developing this farm system of future interns and dress stain removers. In a moment of clarity, I remembered to cc his errant wife on all my correspondence.
I also was thoughtful to send Republican gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist an encouraging note for skipped the presidential rally in Pensacola, Fla., to make a speech of his own hundreds of miles away. I figured I was the only one to attend his dog and pony show so I let him know that I hoped he lost big time and would email his concession speech to Michael Moore if he did since Michael is looking for a new comedy entitled Bowing for President Disrespecters.
I did manage to send Senator Hillary Rotten Clinton a note to ask her if I could have her excess campaign funds to help feed my village. I am under no illusions that she will do anything but trounce her opponent in we never met an idiot we won’t vote for New York State. I also added that she should show her compassion, return to Hope Arknsas, and stop depriving the village of its idiot.
Similarly I requested of Eliot Spitzer, the Democratic candidate for governor in Nuevo York if he could help me sue the heck out my neighbor’s child lemonade stand as I felt she was engaged in insider lemon trading and gaining unfair advantage over my “Learn Medicare fraud for fun and profit” booth situated right down the street.
Senator Chucky Cheese Schumer of New York, chairman of the Peoples Democratic Republic and news junkie said, “"We have never said we're going to take control of the Senate. We have said we're on the edge. That's where we are." I did send him a note of encouragement also. Praising him for admitting that he is right on the edge. It takes a big man to admit he has a problem just before he is committed for his mental illness.
In a rare gaffe, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi was hailed as ready to become the first woman speaker in history if Democrats win. I was forced to correct the news outlet as she may be poised to become a house speaker, but she was certainly not a woman.
Joe Lieberman is appearing set to beat Ned Lamont, the Moveon.org candidate with an ugly stick running as an independent after the liberal beating he took for supporting the troops and the war in Iraq, giving lie to the notion that this country is vehemently opposed to Iraq even in Democrap Connecticut. Ned, a recently former JPMorganChase employee did however make JPMorganChase employees very happy by leaving the firm where he was as well liked as a Value Share stock award pegged to the strike cost of the Hope Diamond.
"The Democrats want to raise taxes when you're born, when you're working, when you retire and when you die," Bush said in Florida. "In other words, the Democrats' philosophy is this: 'If it breathes, tax it. And if it stops breathing, find their children, tax them.” Billy Bob the rapist smiled as he considered this entirely new means of financing his legacy while the thought of finding children to enroll in his private intern program left him positively ecstatic.
Campaigning in Missouri, Democratic senatorial wannabe Claire McCaskill said, "There's nothing to that allegation," she replied. "We're going to cut taxes for the middle class and retarget the upper class,” though she specifically wanted to make it clear that she considered middle class anyone earning below the poverty line.
As he has repeatedly, the president attacked Democraps for their position on the war in Iraq. "Oh, they've got some ideas. Some of them say, 'get out right now.’ Some of them say, 'get out at a fixed date,' even though the job hasn't been done. One of them said, 'let's move our troops to an island some 5,000 away.'" John the traitor Kerry vacationing in France could not be reached for comment.
White House press secretary Tony Snow went even further in
criticizing possible Democratic approaches to Iraq. In an interview with conservative talk-radio personality Rush Limbaugh, Snow said, "We do, quote, 'phased redeployment,' what we do is we invite a whole lot more September 11ths." Clinton, the former president, linguistic expert and Shout It Out tester, provided a rebuttal from a stage in Rochester, N.Y.
"On this 'stay the course in Iraq' deal, they say we're the cut-and-run crowd," he said. "These people don't look like cut and run to me," he said, gesturing to former Sen. Max Cleland, a triple amputee from war wounds suffered while he was juggling grenades for friends and family in Vietnam a generation ago. Maxwell Not so Smart Cleland had forgotten the military training that empathized, don’t screw around with grenades, they are not toys. Ever the fun lover, he was pretending they were water balloons while sitting around the campfire-telling raise your taxes sidesplitting stories when he dropped his. Cleland would still have his arm and legs if he had cut and run.
In Colorado, Senior Billy Ritter Menendez, de la Vega was kicking around ideas on granting citizenship to illegals that would not make the majority of Americans lose their lunches. In the end, he failed and is now looking for illegals to help clean all the up chuck, at a livable and taxable wage of course. Pedro Billy Ritter Sanchez Vicente is also looking to turn Colorado into the Tennessee Valley Authority of broadband access, by first flooding the Gunnison canyon and than asking illegals to try and aim better when they urinate over the edge. Those that aim well will be given broadband access, as is their constitutional right.
Yes, it will be a close one, I hope that by giving equal treatment, and access to both parties McCain and Feingold will not try to have me arrested for breaking their precious free speech law. Therefore, in that spirit I would like to remind you all to go out there and defeat a Democrap.
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