Microwave 3 minutes

This kind of stuff is going to get a lot of people killed. Political correctness warrants that tho shall not identify anyone least it gives some group a bad name, unless you are white and than we get photographs, religious history, name of their first born, marital issues complete with Viagra journals, crazy aunt in the attic and grades they got in elementary school, including all detentions with quotes by their kindergarten teacher, “I just knew little Ernie was going to grow up to be bad.”

Scanning the comic book section of the New York Times, which is the front page, I saw an itsy bitsy tiny little reference that made me look at several other newspapers. I searched and I searched and finally found another scant reference. An unemployed 34-year-old Dallas man was arrested at Detroit Metro Airport on Tuesday, carrying $78,883 in cash and a laptop computer containing mysterious files about cyanide and nuclear materials. I mean I knew that Detroit Tiger fans were upset, but YIKES!

Who is this Texan, could it be a relative of Cindy Sheehan preparing for a BBQ at her new ranch in Crawford. Nuclear material is always good to get those hard to start charcoals flaming - use it all the time (wash hands well before handing food). So reading a little further I found out this unemployed man (Well that seals it, it wasn’t lovely Cindy), agents asked him (confirmation of gender), if he had any cash to declare, he said he had $18,000. However, when agents checked his luggage, they found an additional $59,000.

Okay, so he liquidated all his assets and decided to travel the world looking for gainful employment. Makes sense. I was sure he was just some down on his luck Texas oilman looking to open the oil well a little wider with a small nuke so he could get more oil out, and you know those prairie dogs can be annoying, so that explains the cyanide. Now I can go to sleep without worry.

Content to put the article down, I happened to glance at his name, it was Sisayehiticha Dinssa. Err, I have known Texas oilmen, and they usually went by the name of Earl, Kit, Warren, and occasionally JR. Sisayehiticha? What the hell is a Sisayehiticha never mind a Dinssa? So now, I finished the article. It seems that when the agents scrolled through his laptop, they said they found the mysterious files. Mr. Dinssa (Hmm, mister?) told agents he was “interested” in learning about cyanide and nuclear materials. Well yeah, hell, I’m interested in hot peppers, but I don’t walk around with $78,000, fertilizer, and Napalm bomb files.

Federal Magistrate Judge Donald Scheer approved Assistant U.S. Attorney Leonid Feller’s request to detain Dinssa pending a detention hearing on Monday. Between now and then, Feller said, agents would try to find out more about him and the computer files. Yeah, that might be a good idea, you think? He is charged with concealing more than $10,000 in his luggage, which carries a maximum penalty of 5 years in prison, plus forfeiture of the money.

After an exhaustive search, I found out, he is from Ethiopia, which is a muslim country. Do you think this is relevant or is this just another starving Bono fan looking to make his way to a Bruce Springsteen antiwar concert? Cindy tells me that radiated mushrooms are good on ribs.