But do you listen

Recently a high school science teacher gave new invigorated meaning to the term brain dead. Now readers to these pages know I don’t hold teachers on the high pedestal that some do, especially in the public education arena. They seem to have an uncanny knack for filling your child’s head with crap. There are also a lot of parents out there that delight in giving the teachers the shovels.

In Virginia high-school science teacher was charged with breaking into a century-old funeral vault where 114 miners lost their lives, handling the remains of a corpse, and taking photographs of two students holding the bones inside the crypt. This just begs the question, “Mommy can I go with our teacher and dig around in an old crypt? Everyone else is doing it.”

Candace Longworth a 31 year old biology teacher, was charged with disturbing and defiling a dead person from a place of burial and two misdemeanor counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. She was also charged with being completely brain dead; charges against the parents of the kids are pending the outcome of an IQ test. In defense of the parents, it must be stated that the kids probably told them they were going to a rib joint for some BBQ.

Candace or Candy Bones as she is affectionately known allowed at least one of the two teenage girls to hold the bones of a corpse found within the 122-year-old vault. A lawyer for Tazwell County was quoted as saying, the foray into the tomb was "just bizarre," and "not anything anyone would call school-related." I must disagree. It seems very appropriate given the nature of today’s public education. At least she didn’t have sex with the kids as far as I can tell.

The teens were charged as juveniles or being juveniles, it is hard to determine at this point. According to the report, the vault is partially below the surface in a cemetery built for 114 coal miners who died during an 1884 coalmine explosion in the town of Pocahontas.

See, if we would just increase taxes and get these schools more money they could buy their own bones and would not have to sneak into vaults to supplement their school supplies. This sounds like a teacher doing what so many are forced to do because of the lack of a good supply of bones.

Candy Bones was apparently also a cheerleading coach when she wasn’t rummaging around looking for some good ribs. She lost that job too. Give me an A, give me a S, give me another S. What’s that spell? Ass --- hole.

As a postscript, there is no truth to the rumor that she loaned her brain to John Kerry. At the time of this report, he is still without one if anyone would like to donate.