There’s always room for Santa or is it Jello

If you think we are winning the war you’re wrong. We need more troops, a larger surge and we have to implement “take no prisoners” before it is too late, which it already may be. No not in Iraq, but here in Illinois. I’m talking about the war to eliminate public education. Consider this little ditty from Oak Lawn Illinois.

The school district is considering banning traditions seen as offensive to Muslims. I have a better idea, how about banning muslims as offensive to humans. It isn’t serious yet; I mean we are only talking about Halloween, Christmas and Jell-O. God help us if it expands to include Martin Luther King’s birthday, Labor Day, Gay Pride Week or put a condom on a zucchini month.

It began innocently enough earlier this month when school dimwits agreed to change the lunch menu to exclude items containing pork to accommodate Muslim students. News that Jell-O was struck from the menu caused such a stir that officials have agreed to bring it back. Gelatin is often made with tissue or bones of pigs or other animals. Had I been administrator I would have immediately added pigs in a blanket to every menu choice with each pancake emblazoned with the image of the prophet of doom.

Well apparently many folk got a little ticked off and police were called to calm down parents after the latest brainless wonder decided to include Halloween and Christmas festivities in the bend down and kiss your ass goodbye controversy; or as asshole in charge Principal Sandy Robinson said, "It's difficult when you change the school's culture.” Ah Sandy, it’s difficult when you stick your head too far up your ass to do stupid things, but you managed to do that.

Elizabeth Zahdan, a mother of three District 122 students, says she took her concerns to the school board this month, not because she wanted to do away with the traditions, but rather to make them more inclusive. "I only wanted them modified to represent everyone," she said. "Now the kids are not being educated about other people," she said. Betty, Betty, perhaps you would agree that you’re kids need to learn about Big Mo’s taste for little children or current day stoning practices so they too can learn about other people, can we agree on that?

Following the example of Lieb Elementary School, Columbus Manor School will exchange the annual Halloween parade for a fall festival next month. The holiday gift bazaars at both schools also will remain, but they'll likely be moved to the PTA-sponsored after-school winter festival. And Santa's annual visit probably will be on a Saturday.

In case you’re wondering nearly half of the students at Columbus Manor school are Arab descent and a little less than a third district wide are, which translates into the un-say able – muslim. I suggest that all parents of non-Arab descent convert to a new religion called, Sowish. As a Sowish, all Sowians would be considered to have committed blasphemy if they did not hand all those you meet a John Dean raw sausage and bend down and fart in the direction of Mecca during each class period.