What has little Johnny Done

American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) today called on presidential candidate Sen. John McCain to appoint a Muslim campaign advisor and a Muslim White House aide if elected in 2008.

CAIR’s request came following McCain’s remarks that America is a “Christian” nation and that he would not be comfortable with a Muslim in the White House. ...

“The Constitution, reflecting the principles of the Founding Fathers and those who voted for its ratification, prohibits religious tests for public office,” said CAIR National Legislative Director Corey Saylor. “Senator McCain should know that our nation was founded on universal moral principles common to many religions and philosophies. He does a disservice to those principles by suggesting that not belonging to a particular religious group limits an individual’s ability to lead.”

Saylor said Muslim advisors could offer McCain accurate information on issues related to Islam and the American Muslims. As a service to both Johnny and CAIR for whom I have only the utmost bile saved, allow me to offer them both accurate information on issues related to islam.

islam is a cult that promotes beheadings, pedophilia, brutality against women, world domination and a return to those balmy days before nasty global warming in the 13th century. It is also a cult that regularly refers to people of the Jewish faith as pigs and Christians as infidels while attempting to say out of the other side of its mouth that it is an inclusive religion. Yes inclusive as long as you are muslim and believe in the principles of Shari’ law, otherwise off with their heads.

It is a cult that has advanced its own people not one iota since its founding in a dank cave in the desert by the head pedophile big Mo. Rather than go into the various subsets of death this religion of peace promotes at this time, I offer myself as the official advisor to Johnny’s campaign so they can check with me before sticking their foot in their mouth again. You had it right the first time Johnny but than the politician in you took over.

Creepy Islamic Attrocities Remakers - CAIR

Score one for CAIR and list another reason why John McCain is not fit to be president. Mr. McCain, (I have decided not to call anyone a US Senator if they disgrace the office – I think they all do, but I’m willing to bend), said something he may have believed for two entire seconds than cowered to the islamic terrorist front group CAIR.

McCain said, “I admire the Islam. There’s a lot of good principles in it, but I just have to say in all candor that since this nation was founded primarily on Christian principles, personally, I prefer someone who I know who has a solid grounding in my faith.”

First of all there are no good principles in it Johnny Boy and I say that in all candor. Being a politician I know you all say stupid ignorant stuff like this all the time so I was willing to let it go, but you apparently left your balls on the night stand the moment CAIR complained.

“That kind of attitude goes against the American tradition of religious pluralism and inclusion,” said Ibrahim Hooper, spokesman for the Council on American-Islamic Relations. He urged McCain to “clarify his remarks” and “stress his acceptance of political candidates of any faith.”

I would have said to Ibby – “WTF. You have a lot of room to talk when islam goes against the American tradition of pluralism. Convert of die I believe it says.” I would have said this to him as we kicked his dumb ass out of the country, but that’s just me.

So what does Johnny Testacaless do? He clarifies his remarks saying, “I would vote for a Muslim if he or she was the candidate best able to lead the country and to defend our political values.”

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny – we hardly knew ya – but now we do.

There’s always room for Santa or is it Jello

If you think we are winning the war you’re wrong. We need more troops, a larger surge and we have to implement “take no prisoners” before it is too late, which it already may be. No not in Iraq, but here in Illinois. I’m talking about the war to eliminate public education. Consider this little ditty from Oak Lawn Illinois.

The school district is considering banning traditions seen as offensive to Muslims. I have a better idea, how about banning muslims as offensive to humans. It isn’t serious yet; I mean we are only talking about Halloween, Christmas and Jell-O. God help us if it expands to include Martin Luther King’s birthday, Labor Day, Gay Pride Week or put a condom on a zucchini month.

It began innocently enough earlier this month when school dimwits agreed to change the lunch menu to exclude items containing pork to accommodate Muslim students. News that Jell-O was struck from the menu caused such a stir that officials have agreed to bring it back. Gelatin is often made with tissue or bones of pigs or other animals. Had I been administrator I would have immediately added pigs in a blanket to every menu choice with each pancake emblazoned with the image of the prophet of doom.

Well apparently many folk got a little ticked off and police were called to calm down parents after the latest brainless wonder decided to include Halloween and Christmas festivities in the bend down and kiss your ass goodbye controversy; or as asshole in charge Principal Sandy Robinson said, "It's difficult when you change the school's culture.” Ah Sandy, it’s difficult when you stick your head too far up your ass to do stupid things, but you managed to do that.

Elizabeth Zahdan, a mother of three District 122 students, says she took her concerns to the school board this month, not because she wanted to do away with the traditions, but rather to make them more inclusive. "I only wanted them modified to represent everyone," she said. "Now the kids are not being educated about other people," she said. Betty, Betty, perhaps you would agree that you’re kids need to learn about Big Mo’s taste for little children or current day stoning practices so they too can learn about other people, can we agree on that?

Following the example of Lieb Elementary School, Columbus Manor School will exchange the annual Halloween parade for a fall festival next month. The holiday gift bazaars at both schools also will remain, but they'll likely be moved to the PTA-sponsored after-school winter festival. And Santa's annual visit probably will be on a Saturday.

In case you’re wondering nearly half of the students at Columbus Manor school are Arab descent and a little less than a third district wide are, which translates into the un-say able – muslim. I suggest that all parents of non-Arab descent convert to a new religion called, Sowish. As a Sowish, all Sowians would be considered to have committed blasphemy if they did not hand all those you meet a John Dean raw sausage and bend down and fart in the direction of Mecca during each class period.

Debate, Distortion, Invention and Danger Will Robinson.

I find that I can not post replies to individuals, try as I might, because I start to get worked up and babbling at the gums. Once again I find myself responding to one person as a post. Sylvie – How can you debate me? I distort things? I make things up? I am dangerous?

My dear friend, allow me to expand. First I ask what are we debating. Is it that terrorism is bad or that all terrorists are muslim? Are we debating whether there are 10 million terrorists or only 840 thousand? The number is quite irrelevant; it is very large in either case. Are we debating whether out of 1.4 billion, 1.2 billion, or 1.1 billion, that 167 million in Pakistan versus 600,000 roughly 3% are fighting terrorists and the other 97% are hiding them? Are we debating whether the other 99% muslims worldwide are standing up to terrorism or sitting silently by? In both cases, I know that there are a few that attempt to speak up and are summarily executed by their peaceful religion.

You see Sylvie, we can quibble over form and numbers, mine are quite accurate, but no matter we can use yours. While we quibble, they are plotting to kill you and me. Would you like to debate that? Did I make that up or perhaps I distort that? Did I make up 9/11? Did I make up 1993 WTC, did I make up the USS Cole, Khobar Towers, and others or beheadings, children suicide murders. Did I make up Spain train stations, London subways, London doctors, Fiji, Germany, Munich; I can draw a map that covers the world? It is current, it does not include the dark ages - even if that is where islam is stuck – with some minor exception in Scotland, I hear a roaring silence from the 99%.

Perhaps it upsets you that I paint with a broad brush, I do, I know. Until Mexico stops actively shipping their poor to my country illegally for 1.1 billion dollars in return I will call Mexico a slave trader. Until many inner city blacks stop representing themselves as poor downtrodden welfare recipient children of slaves suffering untold discrimination for which I owe them something and take responsibility for their own actions I will call them worthless arses. Until global warming narcissistics stop misrepresenting facts I will call them crazy moonbats. Until liberals start living their lives they way they want to force me to live mine I will call them useful idiots. Until public education educates and eliminates indoctrination and stupidity I will call for its elimination. Until politicians stop believing that taxes expand the economy and I need their meddling I will call them Dumpocraps. Until 99% of muslims stand up and eliminate muslim terrorists without being asked, I will call them enablers and sympathizers. Until muslims eliminate jihad, shari’a, stop teaching their children that Jews are the devil, that “People of the Book” are to be eliminated I will call them evil camel dung.

Hakmed of Constantinople said to his women and children, "Know this, ye harlots, that the Prophet Mohammed (Praise Be Unto Him) watches you, and the way you tempt the loins of men. On Earth your punishment will come from the whip and the stone, in Hell you will suffer rape from the barbed penises of the Jews." Hitler was not a radical who happened to be a Nazi. Mussolini was not an radical who happened to be a fascist. Stalin was not a radical who happened to be a communist. Al Gore was not a moron who happened to discover global warming. mohammad was not a radical pedophile who happened to start islam.

The Christian religion was founded on forgiveness and hope, the Jewish on an individual and personal relationship with god, the Buddhist on self examination, the Hindu on universal knowledge, the islamic on death, destruction, pedophilia and conquest. I am dangerous? Me things you have be mistaken for someone who gives a shit what others think. Do you have a suggestion for what we should debate terrorists about? Do you believe if the US leaves Iraq they will go back to their peaceful lives selling hot dogs on Corniche Beach? Perhaps the next target will be the Sydney Opera House during a presentation of James Morrison while we debate the motives of the 99%. If we don’t debate what else is there - right? Terrorists do not debate but they love that we do – I made that up, but am I wrong?

British Security sources say there are 0.06 who are radical muslims. Hmm, just where do you suppose they came up with that number, these experts? Polls, interviews, CNN, questionnaires at mosques, pin-the-tail on the Burqa? That number makes as much sense as the climate will heat up 1 degree over the next century. Interesting numbers for debates, but totally worthless – no one knows. It may be 10% or 50%, it may be 2 degrees or it might turn into an ice ball as the “experts” said in 1976.

You worry that by painting all muslims as evil we play into the hands of radicals. Yup, that is just how Christians and Jews react when peole call the Christian religion evil or that the Jews are inventing the holicost - we go on jihad and behead everyone. But there is this jerk at the 7-11 that... - oh never mind.

Perhaps you missed a story I posted some time ago, at least I think I did, my memory is not what it use to be, probably the Chianti. I worked with a Canadian muslim some time ago, very nice and bright man – Canadian citizen of some ten years. We traveled together across Canada, ate dinner together often, sometimes breakfast. Knew him for almost 10 years, met the wife, the kids, visited him in the hospital when he broke his back in a car accident, went to see the Toronto Blue Jays on his dime, etc, etc, etc. He was a senior manager at a worldwide firm I worked for; we rarely talked politics or religion we talked business or the beauty of mountains near Banff, the ocean port of Vancouver, the ice storms of Toronto. All around nice guy. Even called me to see if I survived 9/11, I thanked him for his concern and thoughts.

He left the firm to return to his homeland in Bahrain, a peaceful and well to do country. One year later he sent me an email. It was without going into detail, a plea to help him get something into this country for the sake of islam. I took the time to visit the FBI and present them with the details. He was killed in the ensuing gun battle, I am glad, I miss him not. He was a peaceful muslim. Yes, I paint with a broad brush. I make no apologies.

Getting even

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly ... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying,"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

WTF News Item

I had hopes of embarking on a saner line of posts after the immigration debacle of the past weeks until I came across this WTF news item. There is just so much one can keep up with these days, which makes it is a bit madding when things slip. Here is one item that I have read several times yet I am still befuddled.

More than four years after Saddam Hussein's ouster, the Security Council voted Friday to shut down the U.N. inspection bodies that helped uncover his illegal weapons programs but were then banned from Iraq by the United States. . It was approved by a vote of 14-0 with Russia abstaining.

The U.S. had been trying since 2005 to get the Security Council to wrap up the work of the inspectors. Iraq's new leaders had also been lobbying for the council to stop using the country's oil revenue to pay the salaries of the inspectors, and the resolution adopted by the council frees up $60 million dollars for transfer to the Iraqi government.

So here we go with my befuddlement. WTF were these people doing for the past four years besides collecting money for doing nothing? In a bit of understatement, Britain's U.N. Ambassador Emyr Jones Parry said that for some time neither of the U.N. bodies "have been in a position to carry out their functions in a way which serves the aim of disarmament and nonproliferation."

No kidding, some time? Four damn years of feeding at the US and British feed bag and they didn’t even bring their own silverware. It does get worse so hold on.

Since leaving Iraq, the U.N. Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission known as UNMOVIC has continued to study satellite imagery in efforts to keep track of equipment with dual civilian and military uses that could be used in biological, chemical and missile programs. On Thursday, the commission published a 1,200-page account of Iraq's weapons programs and the lessons learned in the verification process. Do you realize they wrote a total of one page a day for 4 years? Hell public elementary school can do better than that; they can probably manage two pages misspellings and all.

So, for four years you have been looking for equipment used by a dead dictator with US troops running all over the place killing terrorists to see if said equipment could be used in a dual use mode? Come again? WTF are you looking at, do you know? You are looking at either US equipment used to kill terrorists or you are looking at a democratic Iraq government sandwich truck. Do you know how asinine you sound?

According to the United Nations, in the 1990s, U.N. inspectors uncovered significant undeclared banned weapons programs, including a biological warfare program that Saddam sought to conceal, the chemical nerve agent VX and other advanced chemical weapons capabilities, and the indigenous production of long-range ballistic missile engines. You know those things that George Bush made up to get elected?

The IAEA's Director General Mohamed ElBaradei recalled that he reported in early March 2003 that the IAEA "had found no evidence or plausible indication of the revival of a nuclear weapons program in Iraq" — and would have been able to provide "an objective and thorough assessment of Iraq's nuclear-related capabilities within a few months."

What ElBaradei left unsaid was that soon after U.S. forces invaded and toppled Saddam.

UNMOVIC's Acting Executive Chairman Demetrius Perricos warned the council in a final briefing Friday that the possibility of terrorists or insurgents getting their hands on toxic chemical agents "is real," especially in the present security environment in Iraq. Don’t worry Demetrius, they don’t exist – just ask John Kerry our expert or perhaps you should ask Moveon.Org, our other assho...er experts.

He also cited a number of outstanding issues that "cannot be resolved and therefore contribute to the residue of uncertainty" about Iraq's chemical, biological and missile programs. These included the fate and whereabouts of 25 Al Samoud II missiles that were not destroyed before inspectors left in 2003, 326 SA2 missile engines, the status of the Muthanna chemical weapons facility, and the fate of liquid anthrax dumped in Baghdad in 1991. Again, don’t worry Demetrius, they don’t exist, it is just your imagination. Just ask John Edwards our junior expert

Russia's U.N. Ambassador Vitaly Churkin objected to the council's failure to comply with previous resolutions demanding that the inspectors certify that Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction before terminating their mandate.

"The adoption of this resolution does not give any clear answers to the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq," Churkin said. I thought I told you John Kerry made that perfectly clear.

U.S. Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad said the efforts of the U.S.-led multinational force in Iraq and the U.S. Iraq Survey Group, which investigated Iraq's weapons programs from 2003-2005, "have demonstrated that the current government of Iraq does not possess any weapons of mass destruction or delivery systems." I am beside myself with your intellect Zalmay. The current government does not possess any weapons of mass destruction – yep, you shore did your job.

Someone please tell me it’s me and I read too much into things. This was put out buy the UN and the media and we are suppose to sit here and say, “Hmmm, makes sense.” Gawd, I’m glad it’s the weekend.

Ancient Democracy

Do you know the true beginning of Democracy? It began in a narrow pass on the northern shores of Greece and it began in death. I know there were a few earlier examples of democracy in India and Sumar, but it was in this narrow passage that it began in earnest. If you believe in democracy and its value and contribution to freedom, than you must give thanks to the military for without them, it would not be possible.

The year was 480 BC, yes a long time ago, and the place was Thermopylae. You may have heard of it, you may not if you live in a cave. It was here that democracy was born and never looked back. It was here that 300 soldiers fought and died. They fought thousands, a 100 thousand or more, some say more than 2 million. They knew they had no chance to win the fight, yet they fought to the last and they fought bravely. Whatever the number, it was more than 300 could ever stand against, yet stand they did.

The King was Leonidas and the soldiers were Spartans. Men born to fight and bred to fight. They stood as some of their own countrymen took the side of the enemy, as today, the cowards never learn. Today many take the side of our enemy either on the field of battle or in spirit just as over 300,000 Greeks took the side of the Persian Empire against their own.

Even than there were many that supported the troops, but were against the mission. You can not do this and support the troops, for the troops are the mission and they will die for you whether you ask or not.

There were others with the Spartans, Thespians some say 700, but it was the 300 we remember. 300 Spartans stood against the minions of Xerxes empire. For three days they fought before they finally fell to deceit and treachery. What could 300 hope to gain? Fame, immortality – no. Why would they do this? Duty, honor, orders – no.

They did it to purchase time. They did it to save the world. For in those days of their battle and death they gave time for the rest of their fledgling nation to assemble and assault and defeat the Persian empire on their own soil.

What if the 300 had fled? What if they had truly lost the battle. It is difficult to tell what ifs in history, but the Persian Empire surely would have taken Greece and pushed even further into Europe. An idea would have been smashed and perhaps never return. The idea was democracy. Today Persia is Iran, today Xerxes is islam, today Sparta is a city within Greece. Today the 300 are in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Do the 300 today fight for duty, for orders, for fame or for immortality – No. They fight for the same reason, an idea. Democracy. Should they not fight to give us time, this terror would be on your doorstep and democracy would die and so would all your rights to complain.

Think of the 300 next time you foolishly say you support the troops but not the war. Think of Thermopylae. Think of that narrow pass between Persia and us called Iraq.

Perhaps I need to be me

There are times I feel so high on life, those are the times she is there. Lately I have been feeling a bit neglected, no that's not right, purposely neglected for reasons unclear, nor do I purpuse them, it wouldn't be right. So until I learn perhaps I need to be me.

How did he get my shirt?

Check out the guy on Dave's right. What's that all about. Give it back

Its burning me up

Would it be all right some day

I am still alive

Maybe it is time to be a highwayman again

For a little girl and her daddy

They are always there even when you can't see them.

Beauty and the Beast

Can I be your beast.

Not all Chestnut Mares are horses

Once in a while, if you are very lucky, very lucky, you will chase a Chestnut Mare and finally catch her. This is when you realize that not all Chestnut Mares are horses and some Chestnut is auburn.

Chestnut Mare


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Let's say I break into your house...

A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!! It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally

addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for

when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest, um, except for well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it&nb sp;without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me.

Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?!

Only in America ....if you agree, pass it on (in English). Share it if you see the value of it as a good simile. If not blow it off along with your future Social Security funds.

But do you listen

Recently a high school science teacher gave new invigorated meaning to the term brain dead. Now readers to these pages know I don’t hold teachers on the high pedestal that some do, especially in the public education arena. They seem to have an uncanny knack for filling your child’s head with crap. There are also a lot of parents out there that delight in giving the teachers the shovels.

In Virginia high-school science teacher was charged with breaking into a century-old funeral vault where 114 miners lost their lives, handling the remains of a corpse, and taking photographs of two students holding the bones inside the crypt. This just begs the question, “Mommy can I go with our teacher and dig around in an old crypt? Everyone else is doing it.”

Candace Longworth a 31 year old biology teacher, was charged with disturbing and defiling a dead person from a place of burial and two misdemeanor counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. She was also charged with being completely brain dead; charges against the parents of the kids are pending the outcome of an IQ test. In defense of the parents, it must be stated that the kids probably told them they were going to a rib joint for some BBQ.

Candace or Candy Bones as she is affectionately known allowed at least one of the two teenage girls to hold the bones of a corpse found within the 122-year-old vault. A lawyer for Tazwell County was quoted as saying, the foray into the tomb was "just bizarre," and "not anything anyone would call school-related." I must disagree. It seems very appropriate given the nature of today’s public education. At least she didn’t have sex with the kids as far as I can tell.

The teens were charged as juveniles or being juveniles, it is hard to determine at this point. According to the report, the vault is partially below the surface in a cemetery built for 114 coal miners who died during an 1884 coalmine explosion in the town of Pocahontas.

See, if we would just increase taxes and get these schools more money they could buy their own bones and would not have to sneak into vaults to supplement their school supplies. This sounds like a teacher doing what so many are forced to do because of the lack of a good supply of bones.

Candy Bones was apparently also a cheerleading coach when she wasn’t rummaging around looking for some good ribs. She lost that job too. Give me an A, give me a S, give me another S. What’s that spell? Ass --- hole.

As a postscript, there is no truth to the rumor that she loaned her brain to John Kerry. At the time of this report, he is still without one if anyone would like to donate.

A real YAHOO.

Thank you. If you have come here than you know that some idiot submitted numerous violations for questions I answered on Yahoo answers several months ago. I am in the middle of arguing with customer service whom I believe can't read, so I am not certain what the outcome of being reinstated will be. I will continue to annoy customer service as is my nature and in the meantime I will place posts here and update my friend's list to make it easier for you to return to 360 after visiting.

I will begin annoying people again momentarily

BBQ Ribs Anyone

Headline news: Al Gore flies in to Australia to warn about global warming and Victoria gets snow in November.

So Mr. Alarmist continued with his supernatural ability to immediately cool down any place he tours including Tipper’s bed, has struck Mother Nature another blow. Earlier, thousands of people marched through central Sydney, ignoring wet and windy weather to protest against global warming. It appears to make no difference to these mindless saps that Australia's temperature this year is lower than last year's; a trend that may be continuing down under.
A week earlier Big Al gave another fear mongering filled speech on the dangers of global warming in New Zealand, just as it was emerging from one of its wettest and coldest winters on record. As the local newspapers report, “An unusually cold October has left Southland dairy farmers struggling.”

This apparently happens to the Gorester quite a lot. His effect on the climate was first noticed in Boston in 2004, when Gore was due to give a big speech in Boston on the imminent danger of the world frying. Presto, the city had its coldest temperatures in almost 50 years. Even John the traitor Kerry wore a heavy coat he bought with Teresa’s money.

Later that same year, Al gave a speech in New York and the city was greeted with near-record low temperatures. A lesser man would have licked his wounds and gone home, but Al has managed has the ability to turn hypocrisy into a living wage, far above minimum I may add. Since the big global warming scare of 1998, said to be the hottest year since the Middle Ages though one wonders how they obtained the measurements; the world's temperatures have fallen slightly and stayed there. In fact, the Artic icecap appears to be fighting a winning battle against Mr. Gore also as temperatures there have not only reversed their trend, but the caps are growing. Watch out for pissed off polar bears who had just recently sold off their heavy coats on Al’s advice.

I won’t speculate if Al Baby took a secret trip to the North Pole recently as anything is possible. However, in closing, I would like to point out another interesting tidbit of information. A Nobel Prize scientist has just released a study calling for more pollution in the atmosphere, more CO2, more pollutants. The reason? It seems that studies have show that as trees are destroyed by forest fires and deliberate burns, the local climate grows cooler. It also appears to make no difference if some environment nuts are tied to the trees before burning.

The reason according to the scientist is that the lack of tree foliage allows more sunlight to be reflected back into space thus cooling the planet. Anyone in favor of a really big BBQ and please don’t invite Al, we don’t need any snow on our ribs?

Theft Alert

While visiting with my daughter last evening she informed me of a serious theft that has occurred of which even I was totally unaware. Upon learning of said theft I was speechless and felt slightly uneasy, it took a hug, and reassuring kiss from her to guarantee me the world was still okay. It seems some callous individual stole both Wednesday and Thursday. I had been certain I was dealing with Tuesday evening last night that it came as a complete shock that Friday was arriving in several hours.

She offered me beer and pizza, which I readily accepted to drown away my pain. I knew Thanksgiving was coming next week along with some houseguests, but I still had plenty of time. There was no need to find a dead turkey in the forest, pick some cranberries from the bog, and dig up some sweet potatoes, lots of time. So while eating my now second slice of pizza and imbibing my second beer my mind twisted and turned as I attempted to rationalize, my situation.

I looked up at my daughter as she offered a third beer with her outstretched tender hands and I saw the pained look on her face. It was the look of, “You’re really losing it dad.” It was hidden behind a smile so others would not see it, but I recognized the look immediately and was forced to nod in agreement. Gently scolding her when she asked if I wanted another slice for not placing mounds of pepperoni, sausage, and bacon on the pizza, I assisted her in raiding the refrigerator for still another beer.

It was then that the full impact of her devious ways hit me. In a voice that can only be described as humorous, angelic she asked if I could move the refrigerator to the garage as the new one was arriving tomorrow. Leaping to my own defense, I stated in no uncertain terms how I would drive into hell and put out the fires for her if she would only give me another hug. I felt myself searching immediately for a map as she did me even one better and heinously gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek.

Suspecting I had been foiled once again she informed me that I might have to drill a hole through the tile floor and run a water system for the new refrigerator before it was delivered. To mask my surprise I was forced to have still another beer. As she joined me, I was obligated to inquire why she never gained an ounce nor lost her advantage over me when we drank malt beverages. Rubbing my stomach in a move that can only be taken as a sign of compassionate, pain, and superiority, she informed me it was because she preferred broccoli on her pizza and because she was special. This was far too much for me to take, so I went about the task of moving the refrigerator in abject silence with only an occasional grunt.

Later as we stood by her front door and as I prepared to leave, the rains poured down in a practice session for the great flood. She stood holding me tightly and I followed her gaze to the rain gutters knowing that in my heart of heart I would have to climb up there tomorrow and clear them. While holding her I whispered, “Tomorrow really is Friday?” I could feel her head nod briefly and a giggle leave her lips just before I received the final deathblow kiss, “Yes it is, and I have some chores for you this weekend if you’re not doing anything.”

The rain masked my tears as I sauntered out into the storm.

Microwave 3 minutes

This kind of stuff is going to get a lot of people killed. Political correctness warrants that tho shall not identify anyone least it gives some group a bad name, unless you are white and than we get photographs, religious history, name of their first born, marital issues complete with Viagra journals, crazy aunt in the attic and grades they got in elementary school, including all detentions with quotes by their kindergarten teacher, “I just knew little Ernie was going to grow up to be bad.”

Scanning the comic book section of the New York Times, which is the front page, I saw an itsy bitsy tiny little reference that made me look at several other newspapers. I searched and I searched and finally found another scant reference. An unemployed 34-year-old Dallas man was arrested at Detroit Metro Airport on Tuesday, carrying $78,883 in cash and a laptop computer containing mysterious files about cyanide and nuclear materials. I mean I knew that Detroit Tiger fans were upset, but YIKES!

Who is this Texan, could it be a relative of Cindy Sheehan preparing for a BBQ at her new ranch in Crawford. Nuclear material is always good to get those hard to start charcoals flaming - use it all the time (wash hands well before handing food). So reading a little further I found out this unemployed man (Well that seals it, it wasn’t lovely Cindy), agents asked him (confirmation of gender), if he had any cash to declare, he said he had $18,000. However, when agents checked his luggage, they found an additional $59,000.

Okay, so he liquidated all his assets and decided to travel the world looking for gainful employment. Makes sense. I was sure he was just some down on his luck Texas oilman looking to open the oil well a little wider with a small nuke so he could get more oil out, and you know those prairie dogs can be annoying, so that explains the cyanide. Now I can go to sleep without worry.

Content to put the article down, I happened to glance at his name, it was Sisayehiticha Dinssa. Err, I have known Texas oilmen, and they usually went by the name of Earl, Kit, Warren, and occasionally JR. Sisayehiticha? What the hell is a Sisayehiticha never mind a Dinssa? So now, I finished the article. It seems that when the agents scrolled through his laptop, they said they found the mysterious files. Mr. Dinssa (Hmm, mister?) told agents he was “interested” in learning about cyanide and nuclear materials. Well yeah, hell, I’m interested in hot peppers, but I don’t walk around with $78,000, fertilizer, and Napalm bomb files.

Federal Magistrate Judge Donald Scheer approved Assistant U.S. Attorney Leonid Feller’s request to detain Dinssa pending a detention hearing on Monday. Between now and then, Feller said, agents would try to find out more about him and the computer files. Yeah, that might be a good idea, you think? He is charged with concealing more than $10,000 in his luggage, which carries a maximum penalty of 5 years in prison, plus forfeiture of the money.

After an exhaustive search, I found out, he is from Ethiopia, which is a muslim country. Do you think this is relevant or is this just another starving Bono fan looking to make his way to a Bruce Springsteen antiwar concert? Cindy tells me that radiated mushrooms are good on ribs.